After receiving my official scholarship forms in the mail on Friday, I put them in my purse, and promptly forgot about them. Not that it would have done me much good to remember them over the three-day weekend, but I did have a bit of a jumpy holycrap! moment when I suddenly remembered I had yet to fill them out and return them.
Done and done.
At some point in the unspecified future, I will receive a check in the mail, and I will do a little dance. A four-thousand-dollar dance.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
woo-hoo!
Hooray! I just received this email:
Dear Angela:
Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected to receive one of the Bridging Scholarships for Study Abroad in Japan in 2010-2011. The Selection Committee members read and evaluated more than 500 applications for the 80 scholarships that have been awarded, and were impressed with the quality of your application and your enthusiasm about studying in Japan. You can justly be proud of your achievement.
A letter is on its way to you by post that contains some more information about the scholarship. In the same envelope is an information and acceptance form that we ask you to complete and return to us by mail or fax by June 12, 2010. It asks you to formally accept the Bridging Scholarship, and to provide some more information on your program in Japan. We also ask for addresses and contact numbers that will be reliable until the time of your departure for Japan, so that we will be able to send you the check for your scholarship stipend; we especially want to confirm your e-mail address, as that will be the quickest and easiest way to contact you.
If you do not receive the letter in the mail by June 3, could you please let me know via e-mail?
Thanks very much. I look forward to corresponding with you further during the summer.
Susan Schmidt, Executive Director
Bridging Project for Study Abroad in Japan
Association of Teachers of Japanese
240 Humanities, UCB 279
University of Colorado, Boulder, CO 80309
Dear Angela:
Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected to receive one of the Bridging Scholarships for Study Abroad in Japan in 2010-2011. The Selection Committee members read and evaluated more than 500 applications for the 80 scholarships that have been awarded, and were impressed with the quality of your application and your enthusiasm about studying in Japan. You can justly be proud of your achievement.
A letter is on its way to you by post that contains some more information about the scholarship. In the same envelope is an information and acceptance form that we ask you to complete and return to us by mail or fax by June 12, 2010. It asks you to formally accept the Bridging Scholarship, and to provide some more information on your program in Japan. We also ask for addresses and contact numbers that will be reliable until the time of your departure for Japan, so that we will be able to send you the check for your scholarship stipend; we especially want to confirm your e-mail address, as that will be the quickest and easiest way to contact you.
If you do not receive the letter in the mail by June 3, could you please let me know via e-mail?
Thanks very much. I look forward to corresponding with you further during the summer.
Susan Schmidt, Executive Director
Bridging Project for Study Abroad in Japan
Association of Teachers of Japanese
240 Humanities, UCB 279
University of Colorado, Boulder, CO 80309
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
one week
It occurred to me today, while I was standing in line at the cafeteria, that all the student visa applications will be filed by Temple on June 1. That's only seven days away. I don't know how much longer it will take for approval, but I'm getting really anxious.
As soon as our visas are approved, Temple will invoice me for the balance due (not covered by financial aid, of course), and the only thing standing betweeen me and Japan is a tiny apartment filled to the brim with crap. I'm so excited!!
As a matter of fact, I'm so excited that I'm not even worrying about the apartment chaos. I am moving to Japan. I am moving to Japan. I am moving to Japan, and I'm taking my sweetheart with me, and it is going to be the adventure of a lifetime. I really am so very excited, and I can't stop thinking about it.
Keep yr fingers crossed.
As soon as our visas are approved, Temple will invoice me for the balance due (not covered by financial aid, of course), and the only thing standing betweeen me and Japan is a tiny apartment filled to the brim with crap. I'm so excited!!
As a matter of fact, I'm so excited that I'm not even worrying about the apartment chaos. I am moving to Japan. I am moving to Japan. I am moving to Japan, and I'm taking my sweetheart with me, and it is going to be the adventure of a lifetime. I really am so very excited, and I can't stop thinking about it.
Keep yr fingers crossed.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
on a completely unrelated note
My dream of moving to Japan grew slowly. When it finally materialized, it was such a distant hope that I didn't really even dare assume its reality. Now, the time is upon us, and I have to leave behind this town and these memories and that body I put into the ground.
I guess you could say I'm having a hard time with that.
I am not second guessing myself, and I'm not backing out of my plans for the future. I'm just finding it more painful than I expected to walk away from the past.
2010 was the first year I did not set aside the anniversary of that fateful day in May when I learned what happens when life comes to a grinding halt. I made plans, and I intentionally went about my day like it was any other. Granted, by the time it was over, I was laying on a table in a doctor's office, moaning about back pain and begging for prescriptions. But I decided it would be best if I celebrated him by letting this one thing go, and I guess it didn't turn out that well. Not that my back pain and my memories are completely related.
Another thing I promised myself after Lonewolf died was to always remember this: I am still alive. As painful as that may seem at any given time, I refused to allow myself to wallow in that sadness. Because the pain and sadness of believing you will be better soon, checking into the hospital with hope, then dying suddenly, gasping for air...that pain certainly far exceeded anything I have yet felt. His pain was worse. His dying was worst. I just have to keep going.
I bring all this up now because, seven years later, it can still hit me like a ton of bricks. I go longer stretches without the crippling sadness, but when it reappears, it feels almost like it did that first night. Almost, but (honestly) not quite.
And now I'm leaving. I'm packing up, and moving away, and I'm leaving him behind. I still have his letters and his things; I still have my tattoos and my pictures. But I'm leaving him behind, and I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for that.
I'll let go. I'll walk through the cemetery and I'll take one more picture of his grave, and then I'll get in the car, and I'll drive away. And I suppose that if that doesn't kill me, then I don't know what will.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
not even close
I said to my Japanese teacher today that, what with getting plane tickets and having received my financial aid award letter, my last major hurdle is getting my visa. And that's...mostly true.
Don't get me wrong. I still spend the majority of my time worrying how long it will take, why isn't it here, why isn't it here, why isn't it here?! My contact at TUJ (who answers my many frequent, paranoid questions) seemed to imply it's simply a matter of course at this point. Being the person I am, though, I refuse to get ahead of myself. I refuse to accept anything as a done deal until the evidence is in my hot little hands.
In the mean time, looking around the apartment, I have to admit the biggest hurdle is probably the insurmountable heap of shit before me. Jarrett and I have lived in this apartment for longer than we have been married, and we're edging six years. That is, honestly, the longest I have continuously lived anywhere in my entire life. We haven't done too badly, what with this only being a one-bedroom, but there is a reason I affectionately refer to our cozy nest as The Shitpit.
There is a lot to do. There are at least three or four lots to do. And here's the rub: what with needing money for this big hullabaloo, we keep picking up extra shifts at work. Any time not spent shoveling popcorn, baking bagels, studying Japanese, sweeping floors or eating is predominantly spent sleeping. Craigslisting has sort of fell by the wayside. Now, with the quiet clicking into place of puzzle pieces, I am half tempted to simply sell the most valuable stuff first, beginning at the top of the list, and simply close the apartment door and walk away at the end of July.
If you know me, you know I'm kidding.
If I learned anything from my Mom, it was how to clean up after myself. Then again, my mom has a bit of a sneaky side. Let's just call it a sparkle in the eye of a woman who probably hasn't told me all of her really good stories yet! Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I probably won't.
But a girl can dream.
Don't get me wrong. I still spend the majority of my time worrying how long it will take, why isn't it here, why isn't it here, why isn't it here?! My contact at TUJ (who answers my many frequent, paranoid questions) seemed to imply it's simply a matter of course at this point. Being the person I am, though, I refuse to get ahead of myself. I refuse to accept anything as a done deal until the evidence is in my hot little hands.
In the mean time, looking around the apartment, I have to admit the biggest hurdle is probably the insurmountable heap of shit before me. Jarrett and I have lived in this apartment for longer than we have been married, and we're edging six years. That is, honestly, the longest I have continuously lived anywhere in my entire life. We haven't done too badly, what with this only being a one-bedroom, but there is a reason I affectionately refer to our cozy nest as The Shitpit.
There is a lot to do. There are at least three or four lots to do. And here's the rub: what with needing money for this big hullabaloo, we keep picking up extra shifts at work. Any time not spent shoveling popcorn, baking bagels, studying Japanese, sweeping floors or eating is predominantly spent sleeping. Craigslisting has sort of fell by the wayside. Now, with the quiet clicking into place of puzzle pieces, I am half tempted to simply sell the most valuable stuff first, beginning at the top of the list, and simply close the apartment door and walk away at the end of July.
If you know me, you know I'm kidding.
If I learned anything from my Mom, it was how to clean up after myself. Then again, my mom has a bit of a sneaky side. Let's just call it a sparkle in the eye of a woman who probably hasn't told me all of her really good stories yet! Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I probably won't.
But a girl can dream.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
one more hurdle
As predicted, my financial aid award letter was pretty close to exactly what I thought it would be. As usual, there was a whole lot of panicking before needed. If I didn't now have to drain my savings account to come up with the $3200 I am short, I would see a doctor for a prescription of sedatives!
One small quirk: my letter stated that my award was based upon my plans to live off-campus. I would love to have a cute little studio of my own somewhere outside of Tokyo, however, my first semester will be spent in TUJ housing. Technically, all their housing is off-campus, as it would be prohibitively expensive to build dorms in Ginza, but I'm now awaiting an email response to find out if that's a clerical error.
Wouldn't it be sweet if I got a little extra money?
Yeah, I won't hold my breath.
One small quirk: my letter stated that my award was based upon my plans to live off-campus. I would love to have a cute little studio of my own somewhere outside of Tokyo, however, my first semester will be spent in TUJ housing. Technically, all their housing is off-campus, as it would be prohibitively expensive to build dorms in Ginza, but I'm now awaiting an email response to find out if that's a clerical error.
Wouldn't it be sweet if I got a little extra money?
Yeah, I won't hold my breath.
Monday, May 17, 2010
yipes!
Just got my Temple financial aid package in the mail on my way out the door. In class now; more later.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
the whole enchilada
Wandering around the TUJ website, I found the page which displays the actual cost of attendance. I have seen this page before, but not since I applied this Winter. Here are the facts, ma'am:
So, what's interesting are two things which aren't accounted for on this list. Namely, the application fee of 10,000¥ (about $109.00) and the admission fee of 35,000¥ (roughly $379.00). I already paid the application fee, but not the admission fee. I also paid for Jarrett's visa application (20,000¥ = $217.00), but not my own. Anyway, the total should equal the contents of the above list (1,582,450¥) plus the unmentioned admission fee (35,000¥) for a grand total of 1,617,450¥ or . . . $17,495.00~ish.
I suppose this teaches me not to freak out before all the evidence is in. Last year, I received just under $14,000 in financial aid. If I get about the same for my first year at Temple, then I'm only down roughly $3500 dollars. Don't get me wrong—that's a lot of money. That's more money than I have ever saved in my entire life. However, it isn't completely out of the question. Had it greatly exceeded $5000, then I'd be delaying my admission for a while.
My only real problem is this: of all the money I received last year in financial aid, only a fraction of it went directly to tuition. Most of it paid for books and supplies and food and rent when I couldn't work full time because I was busy going to school full time. Luckily, the above list accounts for rent, as my first term at TUJ will be in school housing. It does not, however, account for food or books or supplies. Since I'm waffling back and forth between positives and negatives, I should also mention another good thing: the admission fee (35,000¥) and the matriculation fee (415,000¥) are one-time fees. I will need to apply for a visa every year, but without those other two fees, the cost each year will be about $5000 less.
I applied for a Temple scholarship, but did not receive it. I also applied for an independent scholarship of $4000, and I expect to receive the verdict some time in June. I've got my fingers crossed, but a number of people are up for the same monies, so I'm not holding my breath. I can also reapply for different Temple scholarships next year, and I'm hopeful that I'll get one eventually. Hopefully.
I have already resigned myself to the fact that the first semester—maybe even the first year—in Japan will be difficult. I long ago decided, though, that is a hardship I am willing to bear. This is my lifelong dream, and I'm not jumping into it unprepared. I accept these difficulties as part of a package with greater benefits.
Besides. . . I'm a student. I'm used to being poor. And I'm moving to the place which invented instant ramen.
So, what's interesting are two things which aren't accounted for on this list. Namely, the application fee of 10,000¥ (about $109.00) and the admission fee of 35,000¥ (roughly $379.00). I already paid the application fee, but not the admission fee. I also paid for Jarrett's visa application (20,000¥ = $217.00), but not my own. Anyway, the total should equal the contents of the above list (1,582,450¥) plus the unmentioned admission fee (35,000¥) for a grand total of 1,617,450¥ or . . . $17,495.00~ish.
I suppose this teaches me not to freak out before all the evidence is in. Last year, I received just under $14,000 in financial aid. If I get about the same for my first year at Temple, then I'm only down roughly $3500 dollars. Don't get me wrong—that's a lot of money. That's more money than I have ever saved in my entire life. However, it isn't completely out of the question. Had it greatly exceeded $5000, then I'd be delaying my admission for a while.
My only real problem is this: of all the money I received last year in financial aid, only a fraction of it went directly to tuition. Most of it paid for books and supplies and food and rent when I couldn't work full time because I was busy going to school full time. Luckily, the above list accounts for rent, as my first term at TUJ will be in school housing. It does not, however, account for food or books or supplies. Since I'm waffling back and forth between positives and negatives, I should also mention another good thing: the admission fee (35,000¥) and the matriculation fee (415,000¥) are one-time fees. I will need to apply for a visa every year, but without those other two fees, the cost each year will be about $5000 less.
I applied for a Temple scholarship, but did not receive it. I also applied for an independent scholarship of $4000, and I expect to receive the verdict some time in June. I've got my fingers crossed, but a number of people are up for the same monies, so I'm not holding my breath. I can also reapply for different Temple scholarships next year, and I'm hopeful that I'll get one eventually. Hopefully.
I have already resigned myself to the fact that the first semester—maybe even the first year—in Japan will be difficult. I long ago decided, though, that is a hardship I am willing to bear. This is my lifelong dream, and I'm not jumping into it unprepared. I accept these difficulties as part of a package with greater benefits.
Besides. . . I'm a student. I'm used to being poor. And I'm moving to the place which invented instant ramen.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
w.t.f.
As I think I mentioned before, I received an email last week from Temple's IT department, giving me access to their online services. Of course, the first thing I did was to check my financial aid status online. Then my jaw dropped. I had been awarded the Pell grant for two semesters, totaling about $4500. That was pretty awesome. However, there was no note of anything else. No loans, subsidized or otherwise, showed up on my account.
Now, it's very possible the loan paperwork hasn't even gone through yet. I do still have to finish this semester and Summer term. That's not only possible, it's highly likely. However, I am a professional worrier, so I fired off an email to the bursar's office asking for answers. From there, I was directed to Financial Services at the main campus. No answer. I finally hunted down the email address for Financial Services at the Japan campus (neither email address is easy to find on the website), then I emailed them, too. No reply.
I'm not even looking for a definitive answer here; a simple "we don't know yet" will suffice to keep me from worrying for another week or two. The complete lack of a response, however, was beyond freaking me out. I finally ended up emailing my contact in the Office of Student Services. He has nothing to do with financial aid, but has thus far done a great job getting answers to my inane questions, so I hoped he would have better luck than I have with these questions. Sure enough, I received an answer a day later:
Regarding financial aid: I will get an estimate of your financial aid eligibility based on your 2010-2011 FAFSA from Student Financial Services (SFS) in Temple main campus before June 1. I will inform you of this amount, and it will be automatically deducted from your advance payment.
Okay. Whew. That's one load off my mind, but now there's another. I was aware that the tuition had to be paid in full before they would issue my visa (weird, but okay...), and I wasn't too concerned, as my financial aid usually covers everrything. Then I read this:
Actual financial aid will be determined after you arrive at TUJ, register for classes and complete your Master Promissory Note & Entrance Interview online.
Federal financial aid alone is generally not enough to cover the entire advance payment unfortunately. If you are relying solely on financial aid for this, then I recommend you look for an alternative private loan.
Seriously? Why not? This is not only strange, but completely unacceptable. It's like saying, "We won't give you a visa to enter Japan until you pay in advance. To pay in advance, you can use financial aid, but we can't tell you how much you are awarded until you get to Japan. To enter Japan..."
If it's only a matter of a few hundred dollars, that's not too big of a deal. If it's only a couple thousand dollars, i might be able to swing that, too. But what if it's more than that? This is really only the latest in a long string of strange behavior from this place. I just sent them 20,000¥ for Jarrett's visa application (about $240) and previously sent 10,000¥ for the application to attend. Then I found out I still owe 52,000¥ (almost $570 -- 20,000¥ for my visa application and an additional 32,000¥ for the application to attend). Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I understand the separate fees to apply for a foreign visa, but over 400 bucks just to apply? I really should have read the fine print. Ivy League schools don't charge that much!
Yeah, so, uhm...I guess I just need to be positive. I need to wait and see how all this pans out. Many other aspects of this process, which seemed tragic at the time, have turned around in my favor. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I'm trying, I really am. I know I need to try harder.
I'm also going to need one kick-ass garage sale.
Now, it's very possible the loan paperwork hasn't even gone through yet. I do still have to finish this semester and Summer term. That's not only possible, it's highly likely. However, I am a professional worrier, so I fired off an email to the bursar's office asking for answers. From there, I was directed to Financial Services at the main campus. No answer. I finally hunted down the email address for Financial Services at the Japan campus (neither email address is easy to find on the website), then I emailed them, too. No reply.
I'm not even looking for a definitive answer here; a simple "we don't know yet" will suffice to keep me from worrying for another week or two. The complete lack of a response, however, was beyond freaking me out. I finally ended up emailing my contact in the Office of Student Services. He has nothing to do with financial aid, but has thus far done a great job getting answers to my inane questions, so I hoped he would have better luck than I have with these questions. Sure enough, I received an answer a day later:
Regarding financial aid: I will get an estimate of your financial aid eligibility based on your 2010-2011 FAFSA from Student Financial Services (SFS) in Temple main campus before June 1. I will inform you of this amount, and it will be automatically deducted from your advance payment.
Okay. Whew. That's one load off my mind, but now there's another. I was aware that the tuition had to be paid in full before they would issue my visa (weird, but okay...), and I wasn't too concerned, as my financial aid usually covers everrything. Then I read this:
Actual financial aid will be determined after you arrive at TUJ, register for classes and complete your Master Promissory Note & Entrance Interview online.
Federal financial aid alone is generally not enough to cover the entire advance payment unfortunately. If you are relying solely on financial aid for this, then I recommend you look for an alternative private loan.
Seriously? Why not? This is not only strange, but completely unacceptable. It's like saying, "We won't give you a visa to enter Japan until you pay in advance. To pay in advance, you can use financial aid, but we can't tell you how much you are awarded until you get to Japan. To enter Japan..."
If it's only a matter of a few hundred dollars, that's not too big of a deal. If it's only a couple thousand dollars, i might be able to swing that, too. But what if it's more than that? This is really only the latest in a long string of strange behavior from this place. I just sent them 20,000¥ for Jarrett's visa application (about $240) and previously sent 10,000¥ for the application to attend. Then I found out I still owe 52,000¥ (almost $570 -- 20,000¥ for my visa application and an additional 32,000¥ for the application to attend). Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I understand the separate fees to apply for a foreign visa, but over 400 bucks just to apply? I really should have read the fine print. Ivy League schools don't charge that much!
Yeah, so, uhm...I guess I just need to be positive. I need to wait and see how all this pans out. Many other aspects of this process, which seemed tragic at the time, have turned around in my favor. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I'm trying, I really am. I know I need to try harder.
I'm also going to need one kick-ass garage sale.
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